yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
