ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
why does every cop we meet know your name?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
