it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
