i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
