Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
