walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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