so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
