i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
