where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
