I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
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