I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
