In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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