so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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