Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
