I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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