Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
