Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
