last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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