Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
