I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
