the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
