Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
