Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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