since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
