The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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