Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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