My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
