Nicole vs. Life
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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