I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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