k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
