So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
