my mouth tastes like poor choices
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
