spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Randomize
