I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Randomize
