We're like a lot better than the average bears
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
