margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
