No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
