I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Randomize
