textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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