So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
