U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
