Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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