I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
