Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
