did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
