I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
