I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
