Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
