he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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