i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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