I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
